“Hi! I’m General Panzer Dawnstar. Many of you over the course of the past few months have been wonder… ‘Hey, I’m in a raid with this awesome tank named Panzer! How can I be more awesome like this awesome tank, Panzer?’ well after my recent excursion to the tropics I took the time to write down a … bible of sorts, to help you be more awesome. Like Panzer.”

General Panzer Dawnstars: Official rules of raiding.

1. You are always wrong.
When the general is in a raid it should always be expected that, even though he has never read a strat or reviewed a raid in his life, he will always know how things work. Despite what you may think you know about this raid and its encounters you are wrong. General Dawnstar knows what’s best and should never be argued with. Arguing with the general or suggesting that his tactics are incorrect will result in an immediate loss of 10 Panzer points.

2. DPS should always lead the pack
Being a member of the Zergadins means you can never stop! You should always be pulling the next group regardless of your raid roll. The general has been asked ‘Isn’t it the tanks roll to pull the groups?’ This is something a non-Zergadin would say! A tanks job is to look good while the “peons” or DPS do all pulling and the heavy lifting. (This includes but is not limited to pulling the generals carriage.)

3. Healers should never heal anyone except the General
everyone has heard DPS and even off tanks cry that they are not getting enough heals. Everyone in a raid with the general should be aware that all healing is reserved for the general. In the event the general falls (or skins his knee) the raid is immediately over and everyone has to go home. It is unacceptable to injure the general. -100 Panzer Points.

4. Never show your face
In a raid one should never show their face to the general. This means everyone must have a helmet on at all times. The general does not want to see your facial expression while he raids as this is a massive distraction. Besides – Batman would never show his face, are you not cool enough to be like batman? That’s what the general thought.

5. There is no such thing as an off tank
When the general is on the field there are 3 roles. Healer, Dps, and FAIL DPS. Fail dps is what some people refer to as the ‘off tank’. An off tank is a fancy way of saying “I don’t know how to play the game.” The general can and will always be able to tank everything required regardless of how many mobs there are and how hard they hit.

6. Never address the general directly
The General rarely has time for idle chat, in between looking at him self in the mirror and talking to himself, so he has many subordinates that you should talk to. If you have a question for the general that is not directly related to hair, grooming, or the latest hammock reviews then please direct them to his underlings.

“There are more that I could list… but honestly this has absorbed enough of my “me” time. So please just forward your requests to Zyley or Blarghe. “