STWG: Elder Scrolls Oblivion


 

Those of you who are fans of the Elder Scrolls series and of the story of Oblivion will enjoy the treat about to be bestowed on your ear holes.

 

In the land of ClassicFantasyRPGLand, otherwise known as “This Land”, lives an assortment of different classic races such as wood elves, dark elves, cat people, lizard people, nordic people, proper english people, people who have terrible voice actors…

 

The Imperials are a race of proper english people who believe they should rule over everyone in the entirity of space… I mean RPG-Land. They fly around in their ships, I mean they ride around on their horses and patrol their kingdom of Coruscanst, I mean Tamriel.

 

You begin your adventure in a prison cell where the king of the entire realm shows up and is all like, “I KNOW YOUR FACE” to which my first reaction was, “HO SHIT, WHAT’D I DOOOOOO??”

 

Come to find out the king has been dreaming about me, which is creepy, and tells me that our destinies are intertwined or something homo-esque…. then you realize that this man: Sir Patrick Stewart is the voice of the king, and immediately you are like, “OH. MY. SWEET. GODS. OF. ALL. THAT. IS. NERD. TELL ME WHAT I MUST DO??”

 

You follow him for a time, and upon completing the tutorial you decide what sort of adventurer you will be: a bard or a knight? an assassin or a brutal warrior? perhaps a girly dress wearing magic wielder? or even create your own class! you pick your race and other bonuses. As you progress the king comes under attack by some assassin guys in SWEET uniforms, and you are informed that all his other heirs to the throne except for one have been killed and that should the king die, shit is pretty much hit the fan…though no one tells you exactly why until later…

 

Next thing you know Patrick Stewart is handing you this amulet of power thingy and tells you to go find his heir, then gets stabbed in the back by some dude. You continue on your quest to find his heir which, honestly, upon discovering just what is entailed by the main storyline….most people do the side quests which are BY FAR, more interesting.

 

Anyways, so you find his heir, bring him to the chapel where the Kings royal guard are at, and you come under attack… the bad cultists guys steal the amulet magic thingy, and everyone is all like “BY THE 9 DIVINES (explanation for another time) THIS IS REALLY REALLY BAD! BUT I AM A USELESS NPC, IT IS UP TO YOU RANDOM GUY WHO CAME OUT OF THE SECRET PASSAGE IN THE SEWERS FROM THE PRISON!” which…..honestly, I still cant get over the fact that I am in a prison cell, the guards hate me…yet for some reason the entire realm is ok with the idea of the fate of the entire world resting on my shoulders…

 

BUT BACK TO THIS OH SO EXCITING STORY: so apparently the amulet is worn by the King, and the king and only the king is….infused with dragon…..stuff. He can turn into a dragon, and a dragon is the only thing that can stop the evil super sayan bad guy that the cultists want to summon…

 

The cultists are now running around opening what is called Oblivion gates…which are gates into Oblivion….which is kinda like Hell… In fact, the main bad guy is basically Satan…or Kil’jaedin and can only be beaten by Charizard…

 

You have to close these gates, seal them, and steal a bunch of items that can be used to stop the forces of evil from coming through the really big one, and then the king turns into Charizard and defeats Satan-Kil’jaedin and everyone wins.

 

The End!…. of the Main storyline… the side quests, as I said, are much much more interesting, but are a tale for another time!

 

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