It was a dark and stormy battlefield.

“Sir!” Sergeant Hellwolf said.

“Take Grokk and Chade with you to the left flank.”

“It’ll be rough” Hellwolf said

“I know. Use AOE tactics, and draw out the healers.” Blarghe said.

“Grrrr…..yes, sir.” Hellwolf said.

Blarghe grabbed Hellwolf by his arm as he was trotting away. “Keep it slow, friend, just be a thorn. Strike, entice, cut, entangle, then back off.”

Hellwolf said, “Like a good butterscotch chew.”

Blarghe laughs. “Go get Grokk, tell him to smash.” They both laugh

“ONWARD!” Blarghe yells. The advance is weak, he knows the point is likely lost.

General Panzer arrives. “Great” thinks Blarghe, “More bureaucracy coming to mess with my unit.”

“Who’s in charge here?” exclaims the General.

“Sir! I am, sir.” Blarghe bellowed.

“Well, why are you performing so below expectations? I have multiple fronts on this battlefield, captain, and you seem to be the only one lacking!” Said the General

“Sir, we are regrouping to attac….”

“Nonsense! You have Doctor Grokksmash here, do you not?”

“Yes, Sir”

“He has informed me that his training has no match, everybody learns to smash. I have Undeadchade and Shammypants tickling the oppositions rear. I expect they will both join soon, for a large rear assault.” Said the General.

“Sir, I am in communication with Captain Chade and Captain Shammy and they are well in place, we are all coordinating a counterstr…”

“Fool! Do as I say or be forever bound as a second in command. Do you want to ever lead, Mr Blarghe…errr, Captain?”

“Yes Sir, I am doing that now”

“Nonsense, you aren’t leading. Look around, Undeadchade has multiple attackers dealing with damage over time spells, and Shammypants is raining frogs upon all of our adversaries. What are you doing that is so impressive?”

“Sir, I have a top notch strike force heading to the left flank.”

“Useless! Now, I like you Blarghe…”

“Sir, we have never met. I know of you, and have proven myself to be…”

“Silence! I like cows, and I like you. I’m not sure if it’s related, but you do amuse me. Get me coffee.”

“Sir?”

“COFF…FFFFFFEEE”

“Sir, I don’t even kno….”

“DAMMIT Captain, it’s a simple order. Abandon all of your current plans, and get me coffee!”

“Yessir, right away. Lieutenant Twomoons, fetch Captain Gnomeganker, get him up to speed, he will need to deal with the General’s further demands.”

“Right away” Says Twomoons. “Perhaps, if I were to employ this new method of…”

“NO!” Yelled Blarghe. “Just do it!”

“Right away” Said Twomoons.

Fucking coffee, thought Blarghe. What the heck is that, anyway? Stupid general should fall of a dragon.